dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
