I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
