So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
