Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
