who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
