They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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