paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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