thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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