I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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