if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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