I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I am available for nakedness
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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