Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
