My underwear smells like fireworks.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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