Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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