apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
