No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
