Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
NoShamevember. You game?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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