Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
