he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
