what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
