I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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