hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
