every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Floor bacon is actually really good
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
