Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
