I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
