we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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