Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
