Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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