I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
