they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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