I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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