Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
