I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
