Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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