Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
