i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
