It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
