the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Terrible idea I love it
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
