5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
