so explain again why im purple
no
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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