I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize