my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
