I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
found the other keg... it's in the tree
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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