in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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