your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
