I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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