what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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