Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
