"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
