Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize