I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
