At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
