Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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