He is such a slut. More and more my type.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
