OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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