North Korea, Best Korea!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
