Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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