the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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