ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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