I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize