You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
