Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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