my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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