We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
