you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
