you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
only if we run a train.
done.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just forgot I was standing up.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
