i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
