So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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