that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
