I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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