I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize