Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
