mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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