you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
