thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
