Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
