Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
